blogsketball

Let me start this off by stating that I am the worst “reporter” ever. It’s three minutes to game time and I have done absolutely no homework on either of these teams. Wait, that’s a lie!!!!!! I mentioned to Chris that I would try to cover UPEI games and he told me that UPEI had a good team. That counts as homework, right? Kind of? No? Shit.

Thus far during the warm-up neither team has been especially inspiring. I suppose AGP (Andrew Parker, the man, the legend) spoiled me during the UofA warm-ups. Will anyone ever wow me in warm-ups like you did, Andrew?

Introductions begin. UNB #12 is from High River. That boy is a long way from home. I mostly zone out after I hear High River. People cheer. I think the home team is being announced. It’s a pity the stereo system is so shitty that I can barely make out their names.

Oh! Game on.

The first minute is highlighted by turnovers, air balls, no baskets, and the refs missing an obvious travel. I braved the wind and rain for this? Fuck. me.

It’s two minutes in and I’ve noticed that UPEI’s #6 is impressive on both O and D. Good rebounding, tight defense, and he can slice the D like nobody else has done thus far. Three minutes into the game and all of the points are his. So is my heart.

UNB’s #32 (playing the point guard position at the moment) tries to lead UNB but he appears to lack vision, decision making skills and what the kids used to call “handles.” is that term still in use? keep me posted.

Jesus, the refs are terrible. How do you miss a double dribble like that? The refs must be blind. And to the UNB player who double dribbled: FOR SHAME.

First time out with 5:05 remaining in the quarter. UPEI 9 UNB 5. I must take less notes. Wait. UPEI #6 is taken out. Hrrm…

I don’t like UNB. Their play is sloppy and their defense is especially poor. They’re losing for a reason.

[time passes] I’m an asshole. Tie game.

UNB #32 walks and the refs don’t call it. Oh, for the love of. . . Come on!

UPEI is really sloppy without number six on the floor. #4 kind of takes over. . .but it’s not the same.

THREE IN THE KEY REF! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS COUNT TO THREE! CAN YOU DO THAT? IF NOT, CAN I PLEASE REF THE FUCKING GAME?

UPEI #6 returns. Hits a three.

First quarter ends. UPEI - 21. UNB - 13.

Dear UNB #3. It was really exciting how you sliced the D just now. Too bad your shot from the line was ugly. Signed, Vanessa.

Refs miss another obvious travel. Are they doing this to spite me?

UNB #23 tries to make up for his shitty play by sinking a three. I’m not buying it, 23!

The refs make another bad call(that kid is back on the escalator!), but this time the whole crowd is onto them. Clearly that was a block, not a foul. We’re all onto you now, Refs!

1:50 left in the quarter. Dear UPEI coaches, take #13 off the court. He’s terrible. Like, really bad.

#13 is seriously causing a mess on the floor. How could someone this bad still be allowed on the court? He is the reason why UPEI has just imploded. Watch him. No, really, watch him. Look at how useless and terrible he is. He just turned over the ball. All of his shots are wide or off the mark. Why? Why is he on the court?

UPEI #4 is the high flyer of the team. He definitely has impressive hops. It’s official: UPEI #6 and #4 are the stars of the first half. That is, if the first half had stars. UPEI 37 - UNB 30.

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Half time music is complete shit. Wow. This song keeps going “please don’t stop the music”. . .but I doubt anyone here is thinking that. Bah! And Black Betty now? Who wants to warm up to Black Betty? Okay, better question, who under fourty wants to warm up to Black Betty?

Hey! A UPEI player looks like Sam Roberts. I shall henceforth call him. . .Sam Roberts!

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UPEI vs UNB, second half!

UNB #12 (high river boi!) starts the half with a three.

UPEI #6 follows with the next five points. I pick up a nearby player info sheet and discover that he is from Toronto. Shocking. No wonder he’s got “the skillz.”

Seriously, UPEI, what is #13 doing back on the court? Didn’t you listen to me? Haven’t you been watching him? He’s killing you!!! And me. To watch.

I get distracted by an interesting stranger across the court only to be rudely ripped from my daze by, who else?, none other than UPEI #13! He traveled!!! For the THIRD TIME. My head. It hurts. So much pain.

Sam Roberts is on the court now. His defense ain’t half bad, but it sure isn’t “the Canadian Dream.”

UPEI #6 continues to do whatever the hell he wants. I’m holding out for an Irish Jig. Come on, Irish Jig.

Third quarter ends. UPEI - 59, UNB - 52.

I can hear the UPEI coach talking to his team during hte break. When I played “the sports”, this would be the point when I would zone out. Coach starts talking, I stop listening. Especially if/when my coach said complete shit like this dude. Hey man, look, I don’t know you or anything. . .but maybe you should try saying something that you haven’t just lifted out of the most recent teen basketball flick. Thanks.

#13 is STILL on the floor. This coach must be a moron. Wow. You are throwing your game away with every minute this #13 player is on the court. For the love of all that is right in the world. . .take him off.

Sam Roberts misses a bad pass from UPEI #3. He looks frustrated. Poor Sammy boy, are you wondering “where have all the good people gone”? I bet you are. . .

FINALLY. There goes UPEI #13. May he never return to the court.

5:48 left in the game. UPEI 67 - UNB 58.

Hmm. High River boi. You can jump. Good for you. You’ve also developed a nice three shot. Not bad, not bad. How many threes have you sank tonight? Note to self: find out how many threes High River boi made tonight.

WHAT!?! WHY IS UPEI #13 BACK ON THE COURT? Oh, well would you look at that - he just fucked up that play. I’M SO SURPRISED.

2:52 remaining in the game. UPEI 68, UNB 67. Woah! So intense!

Players scrambling everywhere! Ooooooh. UPEI #6. . .bad foul. From the look on your face, you know it.

No. Don’t give #13 the ball in such a tight situation! He’s obviously going to miss. Thirty five seconds left and you get it into the hands of someone competent. Someone who, you know, makes shots.

12.2 seconds remaining! UPEI 70, UNB 69!!!!

3.2 seconds remaining! UPEI 71, UNB 69!!!! UNB has the inbound!!!!!

#12 gets it!!!!! DOESN’T MAKE THE SHOT! UPEI WINS! UPEI WINS! OH BABY, CHUCK SWIRSKY MOCK VOICE WINS!!

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So that was my first UPEI game. I wish I wrote a story about it. . .rather than just keeping a written record of how the game played out. . .but. . .I’ve been up since 2am and am too lazy to be more creative. Sleep now. Edit later. Or never.

Happy Remembrance Day, all.